The need to feel connected
Today I was talking to my sisters about friendship, and about my need, and I suppose that of many other people, to feel connected to another person.
My two sisters, Lola and Coco, are quite extroverted. They make friends with pretty much anyone with ease, have a very active social life, and have absolutely no problem feeling comfortable around other people.
I, on the other hand, wouldn’t say I’m an introvert, but I certainly don’t have that same ease. My need for connection is deeper.
The whole conversation made me think about a client who never actually became a client. It was a clothing brand for runners and sports lifestyle. The meeting to get to know each other and brief the project went really well. They were lovely, and they trusted my work, but something was missing: I’m not a runner.
Obviously, that doesn’t mean I couldn’t have done a good job, and even though it was a project I was genuinely excited about, I understood. I understood because I feel the same way.
In general, I don’t feel comfortable around people with whom there is only a superficial relationship. I need more depth and intensity. I think life is too short not to feel excited about whatever you do, and that includes something as simple as going for a coffee with someone. I don’t want to be just another activity in someone’s busy schedule, and I don’t want to turn my own life into a busy schedule filled with superficial friendships.
I feel the same way about work. There is no better feeling than the excitement you get when a project you really care about gets approved, when you connect with it on a level that goes beyond the project itself.
When that happens, the project is bound to be good. It works because you understand it even when the brief isn’t completely defined. It works because you know exactly what needs to be done to solve the problems and challenges that come up. It works because the project becomes a part of you.
My conversation with my sisters made me think about something I consider very important, both in everyday life and in my work: I hope I never stop feeling excited.
And perhaps this is what I’m really trying to say. Sylvia Plath put it better than I ever could:
“I don’t know what it is like to not have deep emotions. Even when I feel nothing, I feel it completely.”